Pinning!!!

I have decided to share the pictures I find during my prowling through the internet for interesting things. OK so really I am just mindlessly surfing when I find these but I want it to sound better than that!!

I hope they make you smile, they did me :)

AMEN!!

I love my son!!

LAWL

Well it IS almost the season 

Oh you mean I have to take my costume off? CRAP!!!

And one for my fellow zombie fanatics!!

I hope I was able to make you smile, even if just fora moment. We all need more of that right???

A Halloween Stumble

Howdy folks, how was your Halloween? I am ashamed to say I did nothing, absolutely NOTHING for Halloween this year *hanging head in shame* Yes, the holiday I decorate the most for (aside from Christmas of course) and I decided to be lazy this year.

I really didn't think about it much all month. I had more reconstructive surgery on the 17th so for about a week or so I wasn't up to dressing myself, let alone my house and yard! I guess that was why it was easy to kind of forget about my normal October activities for so long. Then I go out to run errands yesterday and see the neighbors setting up all of their Halloween delights. Spider webs, jack'o'lanterns, lights, fog machine *sigh* I have all of that stuff too! DANG IT! Now I feel awful and I feel like something is missing. I mean I  have some great stuff.

So let me not only show you what we are CAPABLE of, but live vicariously through last Halloween......

of course the whole things has to start off with finding the right pumpkin right?

Kevin found his right off the bat. Hahaha bat...Halloween humor eerrrr nevermind

Then Jessi

and finally my picky butt found one I liked

We got right to work carving them up

And I think they came out great!

We even got Barney in on the fun. Although he seems slightly less excited about it than we were.

Then came the house

A fitting sign for our household

You can't tell very well but the chair covers were blood spattered with bloody hand prints on them ooohhhh scary right?

Zombie crossing anyone?

Of course you have to dig up long lost relatives for the Halloween festivities

And that my dear friends was the Halloween we should have had this year. But it is nice to be able to look back and see how much fun we did have and remind myself to do it next year!!

But because we didn't decorate this year we had no, zero, nada, trick or treaters. Now what am I going to do with 2 huge bags of candy??? Maybe I should set up a giveaway huh? Anyone want some Halloween candy???

I did however make a nice meal for dinner. No I wasn't a total lazy ass last night. So if you would like to see what I DID do last night, come check me out at Bobbi's Kozy Kitchen.

Pin It

That's Very Pintresting

WOW am I the only one that thinks Pintrest needs a 12 step program???? I don't think I have ever found a website MORE addictive than Pintrest. Well, Facebook maybe, but it is a pretty close race if you ask me! And the thing that I love about Pintrest is I can look for the things I love all in ONE place. Wanna find some yummy food.....Pintrest.....wanna find some funny graphics.....Pintrest.......wanna find some scrapbook layout ideas......OK you get it. When I finally DO drag myself away my daughter will say "Mom did you see the new stuff I pinned? Then I am like a dog in the woods...."Squirrel?" Get out of my way I have pinning to do!!!

OK I know that is sad huh? I will tell you I am not sitting at home eating chips and clicking my mouse all day (thank goodness) I am still cooking and running Bobbi's Kozy Kitchen so all is not lost folks! Right now I am in the middle of making some Chili Verde, something I have been wanting to do for quite some time but have always just grabbed a jar from the store thinking it would be too hard or labor intensive to make. Sheesh suck it up Bobbi! Cook woman, that is what you do for God's sake!!! So I am doing it damn it!! Now, how well it will turn out is left to be seen. If all goes well we will be having Pork in Chili Verde taco's for dinner....crossing my fingers!!

Now ummm back to Pintrest...see I can't stay away!! AAHHHHH but seriously, I have pictures I would like to pin on Facebook and that is the one place you can't pin from UGH!! So I downloaded a couple and I will post them here so I can pin them. Feel free to follow me on Pintrest if you want to see all of the internet goodies I find :)

This one is dedicated to my daughter!!

Have a fantastic weekend everyone!! Happy Pinning!

Surprise! I'm still breathing!!

Helloooooo hellooooooo is there anybody out there? I wouldn't be surprised if you all ran off and left me. I have been neglectful naaaa down right forgetful in posting here. I have let my food blog (Bobbi's Kozy Kitchen) take over and the little corner of the world where I bitch and complain and laugh and cry has sat dormant for too long! I need ya so I sure hope you are out there!!

In the brief moments of time I get away from trying to make my food blog perfect (well ok not perfect but at least interesting) I have discovered Pintrest. Ohhhh Emmmm Geeeeee where has this been all of my life?!?!?! Well thank goodness I hadn't found it before now or I would have never gotten my blog going!! WOW have you all found this? I have created a few new addicts myself so if you haven't checked it out yet find me on Pintrest!

In the spirit of Pintrest I have a few pics I am going to post here. I hope you like them!!

Well hopefully these have put a smile on your face, they sure did mine. Now I can start my day!! 

My Modern Caveman

Saturday was a gorgeous day here in my little corner of Washington. No gray skies, no drizzle, no wind, just sunshine, sunshine, and more sunshine! It is funny, since we rarely have days like that here we found ourselves wanting to do 10 things at once just to be outside and soak up the sun.

The 1st thing on our list was to take Kevin's Dad Harry to the VFW for breakfast. This is kind of a Saturday morning ritual. Harry is 87 years old an just an awesome awesome man. He enjoys getting out and seeing all of his friends every week and we enjoy taking him. Once we dropped him off and were on the road back home we started talking about what we wanted to do for the rest of the day. Aside from the grocery shopping we had to do ggrrrrrrr I hate it when chores get in the way of fun!

We decided to go home and play some horseshoes. We have been staring at that pit all year wanting to play, but horseshoes in the rain? Not so fun. We grabbed some cold beers and hit the back yard. After a close back and forth game, which I won by the way, Kevin decided out of the blue that he wanted to go kayaking. This caught me off guard since we have never been kayaking, but I was game it sounded like fun.

Evidently we were not the only people with the same brilliant idea because when we got there they told us there were no boats available to rent. So back home we go. More horseshoes, then as the evening began we hopped into the hot tub for a bit. It was in the hot tub that Kevin announced that he wanted to build a fire. I laughed, "OK but I think the wood will get a little wet in here" I am a smart ass sometimes I know. Actually it is my evil twin I am an angel....riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

He was so funny. As soon as the decision was made he was like a little boy, so excited at the idea of building this fire. I am completely convinced that something has carried over into today's modern man. Something that has been within them since the dawn of time......men = I wanna burn shit. This goes hand in  hand with men = I wanna blow shit up, but that is another story.

So here we go. Let me also mention that as the fire got bigger so did Kevin's smile! 

Now we have a stick to poke the fire with.......must find things to burn!!

See the smile? I told you.....a kid in a candy store I am tellin' ya!!

But it was nice and warm. Even though it was a gorgeous summer day the sun was down and it was beginning to cool off a bit. So I was happy my tootsies were nice and warm.

Yes the excitement was infectious!

I briefly freaked Kevin out with my "monkey toes". After 3 years you would have thought he had noticed.

Again with the poking.

Kevin had to prove to me that a beer can would actually melt. Who knew? Obviously NOT me!

Well it was fun folks. We laughed and drank some beer. My Dad even hung out with us for a while. Brought back little memories of when I was a kid and we would have bonfires at the beach. Good fun and good memories! Recipe for an awesome time.

The Cramped Nest Syndrome?

A couple of months ago both of my children moved out. My son moved in with his girlfriend and my daughter went away to school. My boyfriend's son had already gone away to school a few months prior so now I was faced with an empty nest. where there were 3 there were now none. I have always loved being a mother. I enjoyed everything about my children growing up, even the rough times. I loved the "controlled chaos" of motherhood.

We as a family have always been close. When my son played sports in high school I would have a houseful of teenage boys for weeks on end it seemed. I never knew who I would find sleeping on my floor, or my couch, or grazing in my pantry. I was the taxi so when they wanted to go to the mall or the beach it was Mom to the rescue. I didn't mind it though. I just loved feeling close with my kids.

I can remember dancing in our kitchen with the music blasting, watching scary movies all cuddled up under blankets with a sea of junk food strewn across the coffee table, and the quiet times when one of them would come into my room just to talk.

The day my daughter left for school I was a basket case! I literally got physically ill at the airport, I couldn't even make it home. I was in a daze the entire day. That nagging little voice in my head kept telling me to snap the hell out of it. That it was all a part of life and that I needed to let go and let them grow up. That this was a much needed step in their journey to being an adult. See, she is so frickin' annoying, I really hate it when she is right. I had just fooled myself into thinking I would be able to handle it with much more finesse and maturity I guess.

Unfortunately things did not work out with my son and his girlfriend and I got a call one day asking if he could move back home. OF COURSE was my response. He may be 23 but he will ALWAYS be my baby boy and will ALWAYS be welcome in Mom's home. He actually refers to himself as a mama's boy and proudly smiles as he does it.

So my nest felt a bit right again.

Then summer break rolls around. Kevin's son goes to a school in Oregon and Jessi goes to a school in Idaho. So we of course had a mess of trying to coordinate itinerary's. He came home on the bus and she came home on a plane. I was back in the "I wish I could clone myself mode" aahhhhh I remember this feeling.

Once all three were back under one roof well, remember the "controlled chaos"? Ya ummm not so much. What was I thinking? There is no control to this chaos, I was obviously completely deluded all those years! Could I really have gotten out of the habit of dealing with all of this in such a short amount of time? Planning meals was almost impossible. Last minute "Oh Mom I am going to go hang out with so and so tonight" or "I am going to be gone this weekend". Ok now I have tons of left overs but thank you for letting me know, have fun.

The fridge filled up with tupperware and the house filled up with piles of clothes, blankets, empty cans and bottles. My job was never ending. Yes my nest was full again, but I think while they were gone I  must have washed it in hot water and shrunk it because it was feeling a bit cramped in here.

Then came the time for them to go back. We again had to tap dance through itinerary's and make sure they made to their destinations on time. Driving to the airport we hit traffic and then longgggggggg lines once we got inside to the ticket counter and security. Rush rush rush sprinkled with a bit of panic ensued briefly. But of course everything ended up fine and on the plane she went.

I felt that familiar tingle as I walked to my car and through the ride home. But I came home and cleaned up the messes, dumped out the tupperware, and took out the trash. I got ready to make dinner and caught myself actually letting out a little sigh. Was that a sigh of relief? Hhmmmm I think it was! I looked around at my clean house, no child on my computer, no one asking for money or a ride somewhere. WOW maybe I do like the nest empty. That was when I realized that not only do our children have to move on and learn to grow, we as parents need to do the same. I am more than just "Mom". That is not the only thing that defines who Bobbi is.

 I just have one question. Does this mean I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up????

Brand Spankin' New

WOW it has been a while since I posted. With the surgeries I have been going through due to the cancer and all of the other miscellaneous goings on in my life I have just been burning the candle at both ends so to speak.Which has kept me away from sharing with you all.

I had my final surgery on June 20th. Well final MAJOR surgery. They did the reconstruction so the girls are up and running again so to speak. The Doctor said there maybe small little things we need to do here and there. But for the most part we are done. So yes dear readers, I have the chest of an 18 year old again....WOW seems weird to look down and then look at the rest of my body and think hhmmmm some of these things just don't go together. Can I have a whole new body now? Well, a girl has to ask right?

The thing I find amusing is, and remember I have a slightly twisted sense of humor, is that they told me that implants have a "shelf life". You would think you get the surgery a BOOM you are good to go. Ummm not so much. I was going on and on about how glad I was that this was done now and that I wont have to worry any more and the Doc stopped me. It was kind of like "Hold up there Ricky Racer" though not exactly in those words. So implants are only good for about 10 years, yup just 10 years. Which means I will be having them replaced every ten years from now on. That will mean that at 56, 66 and then 76 and 86, if God sees it fit for me to be here, I will be getting a brand new set of 18 year old boobs. I am just trying to picture that in my mind. I guess I  had better hit the gym to make sure the rest of the bod can kind of keep up eh?

I feel like a 5 year old waiting for Christmas!

I woke up this morning in such a good mood. Last night all the kids were here so I got to cook for my entire family. Dinner came out amazing, that's coming from everyone else, although I do have to say it was pretty freakin' awesome! I laid in bed for a bit listening to the Today show playing in the background, letting myself slowly wake up. When I got out of bed I still had a smile on my face until I walked out into the living room and saw the gray sky and wind blowing outside my window. AARRGGG it is spring damn it! I am done with the rain and gray skies and cold blustery days!!


Ok, before anyone can point out that I live in Western WA and should therefor be used to it and not complain. NO! No no no no! I refuse to get used to this. I love it here, it is beautiful, but I sure miss CA when the days run together at 50 degrees and rainy. So I will complain until my face falls off.


Anyway, then I thought about the fact that we are going to Vegas next week and jumped on the computer to check the forcast for then. Oh my Gawd!!! 80 degrees and no chance of rain the day we fly in, YES, there IS a God!!! The problem is I still have a week to wait! UGH! The little voice in my head is whining like a 5 year old "but I wanna go nowwwwwww!!" I would even be tempted to stomp my feet and hold my breath if I thought it would help.


So, take a deep breath, I know I must be adult about this. The time will pass and that is that right? Oh heck no! I think I will still throw my temper tantrum, at least it will pass some time right?!!

Happy St Pat's Everyone!!!

It feels like forever since I posted!! But I had to write, even if it was just a few lines. Today is one of my FAVORITE holiday's. Yes I am part Irish, but it is mostly due to the fact that it is a holiday that is designed specifically to party!! There is no awkward family dinner issues, no wondering if you bought the right gift stress, just plain old let's drink, dance, and have a good freakin' time!!


This is not just a feeling that I have. The torch has been passed down to the next generation. My daughter, as we speak, is decked out in green from head to toe. We even get the animals involved at my house!

It has been the same through the years. Here are a few blasts from the past

Of course we have the corned beef and cabbage cooking away..

And last year my darling Jessi thought it would be funny to add green food coloring to everything in the refrigerator, including the egg beaters, so this was my version of green eggs and well salsa....

So my dear friends....May you always have walls for the winds, 

a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love 

near you, and all your heart might desire.

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY!!!

Gremlins???

My son and his girlfriend just got their own apartment. I am so happy for them because I know how exciting that first place that is "all your own" can be. They are just like anyone else, slowly getting things they need for the apartment, and not realizing how much stuff they DID need. Isn't that always the case? You don't need it unless you don't have it? At least in my world it is like that.


Kevin and I surprised them with groceries. We stocked them up on the stuff for PB&J's, quesadillas, eggs, milk, bacon, stuff we knew they would use and need right off the bat. We wanted to  make the first few days there comfy for them and make it so they didn't have to run right out to the store.


Last night Seth stopped by to hang out before he went to work. I am learning that "I was just going to hang out before work" is code for "I am here to get a meal". They never grow up, but that's OK I love cooking for the people I love (side note if you haven't yet, check out my other blog bobbireneeandrachaelray.blogspot.com). 


While he was here he asked if I had any extra utensils they could have. So today I picked them up a colander and decided I would take them to pick up a few things this weekend. When I got home from the store I had the brilliant idea to go through my "Tupperware" drawer and pick out some storage stuff for them so they would have a way to save leftovers. Now, this is a drawer I have been avoiding for quite some time. I think a little over a year ago Kevin and I went through it and got rid of all the lids and bowls that had no partners. At that time we both commented on how interesting it was that they came out of the cupboard with a lid and a purpose, they went into the dishwasher together after serving that purpose, and somewhere between the dishwasher and the cupboard they lost their way leaving their mate forever stranded in a sea of plastic with no hope of ever being whole again.


So I  venture into the cupboard immediately greeted by the forsaken remnants from a once perfectly paired union. I begin to dig through the rubble hoping to find something to be salvaged. Eventually I ended up with several happily reunited duos. But the useless pieces of the once productive teams laid scattered across the counter. I thought to myself how does this happen? In just over a years time half of the storage containers lost its mate? It makes you want to put a camera in the cupboard just to see what in the heck is happening behind those closed doors! I will bet you if we did that we would find little gremlins wearing all of our lost socks!!

Chest-less in Seattle

Waking up from surgery on January 21st was an experience. I of course don't remember much since they kept me pretty drugged up (thank God), but I do remember thinking I should feel a lot different and I didn't. I attributed it to the drugs and the fact that I had yet to see myself without a shirt on, but was surprised by the feeling, or lack thereof, about my "modified" body.
Once I was home I waited until I was alone and as I stood nervously in front of my bathroom mirror and raised my pajama top. Then it hit me! WOW ummm "Ok" I thought "so I am more aerodynamic" or "Hey think of the money I could save in lingerie!". I tried very hard to find what positive I could in the situation, but it was hard. I felt myself about to cry and then a little voice in my head yelled "SNAP OUT OF IT!!! I mean REALLY suck it up chick you are alive and well with no need for chemo OR radiation. Plenty of women with breast cancer would be HAPPY to be in your situation!". As I stood there reeling a bit from the verbal abuse I was dishing out on myself, I realized it was correct. I was DAMNED LUCKY to be in the place I was! I found out I had cancer by a fluke. I wouldn't have gotten a mammogram until I was 50 thanks to what has been suggested in the media. I went for my annual exam and had a cyst. I knew it was a cyst, but to make my Gyn happy I agreed to a mammogram. That was right around Thanksgiving (appropriate don't you think?) and within 2 months my cancer was found and removed. No lymph nodes had to be removed, no further treatment necessary. At that point I began to feel like a bit of a schmuck. I mean it wasn't like they removed a leg or an arm. I don't need boobs to function. "Get over yourself" I thought.
Then of course there were the people that meant well..."Well think of the perky ones you are going to have"! To be honest that kind of bothered me at first but once I stopped wallowing in self pity and realized that they were right, this was not a permanent situation. I began to relax a bit. 
Then we began the "expanding" part of the program. For those that don't know what that means...well when they removed what God gave me they put in what they call tissue expanders. They are little torture devices that feel like you have turtle shells under your skin. Seriously they are kind of a tear drop shaped rubber bottomed thing that resembles a deflated implant attached to a tire. When they began "expanding" that means every week you go in and they insert a needle into the expander and "fill 'er up" with about 50 to 100 cc's of saline. This stretches the muscle and, if you have the same surgery I did, the AlloDerm ( I will explain what AlloDerm is in a bit). The expansion process doesn't really hurt and I laugh when I go in for the procedure because I feel like a flat tire that they keep trying to fill up and just don't get the right amount of pressure. I know, I am weird, no need to remind me. But it gives your body the time to slowly adapt to the eventual implant. It also gives you the opportunity to "shop" for what size you would like your post operative bod to have. There is perky 18 year old, I would like to be a stripper, and OMG THEY ARE MOVING TOWARD US!! 
Ah, AlloDerm, this was one of the things they explained to me before the surgery that kinda made me go "uummm eewwwww". On the AlloDerm website they call it "AlloDerm Regenerative Tissue Matrix". OK, that sounds cool. It says "AlloDerm  is produced through a unique non-damaging process that allows the body to mount its own tissue regeneration process". Again, sounds Ok right? But then you read a little closer, "donated human skin tissue is supplied......Do what? Ya that is exactly what I asked and was informed that donated human skin tissue is from people who sign their handy dandy little donor card. Yup, it is cadaver skin folks. Now maybe that doesn't give you pause to think but it sure did me! Again my little voice told me to snap out of it. She really is a bossy little bitch! But unfortunantly she is smart too. She reminded me that this is really no different than a donated liver or kidney. The only difference is the word cadaver is never used when speaking of those types of transplants. Ok, ok so again I feel like a huge baby.
So now I am about 5 weeks out from the demolition and hopefully about 6 weeks away from the Grand Re-opening. Wish me luck!!! Oh and I am shooting for perky 18 year old, healthy, but perky. 

Weird Morning

Woke up today in a rotten mood. Cold, dark, and drizzly outside. Had an argument last night, which didn't help, and on top of it had a bad bad dream. I really just wanted to put the covers over my head and go back to sleep but I have too much to do today. WOW am I pouting or what?
Maybe some of it is that I finally have to make myself take down the Christmas decorations and I hate doing that. I love Christmas and would keep my decorations up all year if the rest of the family wouldn't have me committed for trying to impersonate Mrs. Claus (or Paula Dean since I love to cook and they do look a lot alike....oops going of topic). 
Some of it could be that my surgery date is getting closer and that means I have to start really facing the fact, which of course I don't want to do. It is so easy to talk about it and act like you are strong and everything will be OK when it is "sometime" in the future. Now it is 2 weeks away and I think a bit of panic is setting in. That is also why the argument bothered me more than usual I guess.
Yesterday was such an AWESOME day! I had to run all over town, which normally I hate doing, but Jessi and I just made it fun. She has started a Vlog on YouTube and we were just being silly. We walked around the grocery store just blabbering on and on about nonsense and laughing at the people that looked at us like we needed medication or something. If you want to check her out search HalfassedVlogging on youtube.com. She is just starting out but I think you will get a chuckle out of some of her stuff.
I really would love to not go anywhere today, light the fire, put on comfy sweats and watch movies. Sounds like waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more fun than getting dressed and going out into the cold yucky weather. I am so done with winter and it just started!!! I need some SUNSHINE!!!
OK I whined to you all and now I feel better. Guess I just needed to vent a bit. Plus after reading what I wrote I realize I just need to suck it up and stop being a baby!! Sheesh!!! 

My Wake Up Call

Well, it has been quite a long time since I posted. Much has gone on. School has been very difficult for me. I think being out of school for about 25 years has something to do with that. We were studying in my Psychology class that if you don't use portions of your brain they get moved to areas with more action. So say the area that learned math...ya my brain probably moved it to the area that watches reality TV shows or something!!
I did make it out of this last quarter with a 2.63 GPA (YUCK) I guess that is just a tick off of a B- but I was hoping for better grades than that. I missed a B by 13 points in my English class AARRGGGG
Part of the trouble with the end of the quarter was I got some disturbing news. I decided it had been awhile since I had gone for my "Lady Land" check up so I reluctantly called and made an appointment.
Got in and got all of the girlie parts checked and everything seemed ok until my Dr asked me if I had ever had a mammogram. Well I told him that I had one about 10 years ago but couldn't even tell you where that was at because it was in California somewhere. He told me that even though the recommendations have been changed to every year after the age of 50, he still believes in every year after 40 PLUS he said he felt a lump! That made my heart race and in place of the irritation I was feeling about having to go and have my boobs smashed between two pieces of Plexiglas was a new feeling....fear.
On an off note before I go on, I just want to ask what misogynist created the mammogram??? I mean seriously! Do they check for testicular cancer that way? I think not.
Anyway, I called and made that appointment. When I showed up I kept telling myself there is nothing to fear it is all just routine and proceeded to study for Psychology to keep my mind off worrying. Unfortunately that didn't work very well.
For those that have never had a mammogram let me talk you through it. They call you back to the back and ask you to remove everything from your waist up and put on a robe. Now depending on where you are it could be a hospital gown backwards that they are calling a "robe" or an actual robe. I was lucky, I was in a center for womens breast health so I got the good stuff!
I put my robe on and put the rest of my things in a locker. All I had left with me was my list wristband with my key to my locker and my cell phone. I played so many games on that phone I am surprised it didn't blow up! Then they finally called me back. I had a very nice lady that was a breast cancer survivor as my radiology tech. She was very sweet as she mashed, poked, squished and prodded my breasts in every way possible. "Hold still"......I loved hearing that! I wanted to say, "How can i move you have my boob in a vice!".
Well I was released from the torture chamber and allowed to go back to the waiting room so the Dr could read the films. After a bit I was called back and he began to show me "areas of concern". After I heard that I kind of went a little foggy. No one wants to hear that from a Dr. He said he wanted to do a sonogram and a couple more mammogram films. So back I go. The sonogram was nothing of course, i mean cold and sticky, but no pain. Then back to the chamber for more squishing. Although this time I didn't feel it as much because my mind was a bit preoccupied with what the Dr had said and the areas he had shown me.
After everything was said and done I got dressed and was informed that my Dr would contact me with my results.
That was at the time the longest 3 days of my life. I finally called the Dr's office but they wouldn't release the results because the Dr was out of the office so I had to make an appointment for the next day. My father went with me and I am glad he did. The news was not what I wanted to hear and the Dr was going on about needing a needle biopsy and things like that and I think I just went numb. My Dd helped to gather me and get me back home. I immediately called and made the biopsy appointment. I didn't want to wait any longer than necessary to know what was going on in side of me.
I went for the biopsy by myself. They put you in a very large machine that squished you like the mammogram but this time you are laying on your tummy. The nurse asked me if I was comfortable and of course I said no, I mean really? You are about to use my boob as a pin cushion, comfy not a word I would use right now!
The actual procedure was very uncomfortable. It hurt before, during, and definitely after. I was told to use Tylenol for the pain, but what they didn;t take into consideration was I bled quite a bit so it set up a hematoma (blod clot) inside my breast that was pressing on nerves and I cried most of the night trying ice packs to help with the swelling.
The next day I was fine, a little bruised but felt much better. Now we again got to play the waiting game. After 3 days I called the Dr's office, as you can tell I am not much on patience, and the nurse told me that due to my results the Dr would need to speak to me to talk about surgery. I really don't even remember hanging up the phone. Surgery.....the word just kept bouncing around in my head.
Luckily it wasn't too long before the Dr called me and she informed me that I had breast cancer. She told me that as breast cancer goes, I had the best kind, if there is such a thing, because it is confined to the glands and milk ducts and doesn't spread fast. She also told me that they wanted me to have an MRI to check and make sure that everything was found with the biopsy and help pin point the exact location. The MRI wasn't bad, you get an IV and then have to lay in a loud I mean LOUD machine while they take pictures. Of course again I had to lay down and have my boobs squished, but no one was poking me with needles so I was good. Kevin came along to keep me calm since I am claustrophobic and was a bit nervous about this "tunnel" I had to go in for the MRI machine to do its work. As it turned out no claustrophobia YAY.
Now, more waiting, have I mentioned I am not a patient person? This whole process is hurry up and wait ARG! Now we hear back from the Dr that read my MRI. He has found 3 more "areas of concern" 2 more in my left breast and one in my right. Soooooo, yup you guessed it, more biopsies wooohoooo lucky me huh?
Since I had such an awful experience the first time, and they were doing two biopsies, one in each breast, this time Kevin came with me. It was an MRI guided biopsy so again with the loud machine, but this Dr was awesome and with Kevin there to squeeze my hand when I was hurting I came out of it feeling much better than the first time. There was very little bleeding or bruising so that was a plus.
Again....more waiting. 3 days they say...ya ok well I am ready in three days so I call the Dr's office. The results are in but she is with patients so I have to wait. I waited till about 5:30, 6:00 and figured now she wasn't going to call me till the next day and I had been so stressed knowing the results were in I was about ready to cry. But my Dr, awesome as she is, called me at about 7:30 from home to talk to me about my results.
It was all pretty much more of the same. The two biopsies came back positive and they were pretty sure the other two sites were as well. She said we could biopsy those if I wanted but I was pretty tired of being stabbed in the boob. We talked about options and well, to cut to the chase we decided that a double mastectomy would be the best. My right breast is not as bad as the left. She refers to my left breast as the nightmare...nice. But if I chose a single mastectomy with a lumpectomy I would still have to go every 6 months for MRIs and they would want to biopsy anything that looked suspicious. I have personally had enough poking and worrying, and I know my family has been out through the ringer, so with her input on the subject we made the decision.
Now that the decision has been made I feel better in a sense, but I am terrified in another. Not the least of it is just going through major surgery, but what is going to happen. I mean whether or not women want to admit it alot of our sense of being a woman is wrapped up in our breasts. Now I find out mine are "damaged" and have to be removed. Hard to process ya know?