My Modern Caveman

Saturday was a gorgeous day here in my little corner of Washington. No gray skies, no drizzle, no wind, just sunshine, sunshine, and more sunshine! It is funny, since we rarely have days like that here we found ourselves wanting to do 10 things at once just to be outside and soak up the sun.

The 1st thing on our list was to take Kevin's Dad Harry to the VFW for breakfast. This is kind of a Saturday morning ritual. Harry is 87 years old an just an awesome awesome man. He enjoys getting out and seeing all of his friends every week and we enjoy taking him. Once we dropped him off and were on the road back home we started talking about what we wanted to do for the rest of the day. Aside from the grocery shopping we had to do ggrrrrrrr I hate it when chores get in the way of fun!

We decided to go home and play some horseshoes. We have been staring at that pit all year wanting to play, but horseshoes in the rain? Not so fun. We grabbed some cold beers and hit the back yard. After a close back and forth game, which I won by the way, Kevin decided out of the blue that he wanted to go kayaking. This caught me off guard since we have never been kayaking, but I was game it sounded like fun.

Evidently we were not the only people with the same brilliant idea because when we got there they told us there were no boats available to rent. So back home we go. More horseshoes, then as the evening began we hopped into the hot tub for a bit. It was in the hot tub that Kevin announced that he wanted to build a fire. I laughed, "OK but I think the wood will get a little wet in here" I am a smart ass sometimes I know. Actually it is my evil twin I am an angel....riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

He was so funny. As soon as the decision was made he was like a little boy, so excited at the idea of building this fire. I am completely convinced that something has carried over into today's modern man. Something that has been within them since the dawn of time......men = I wanna burn shit. This goes hand in  hand with men = I wanna blow shit up, but that is another story.

So here we go. Let me also mention that as the fire got bigger so did Kevin's smile! 

Now we have a stick to poke the fire with.......must find things to burn!!

See the smile? I told you.....a kid in a candy store I am tellin' ya!!

But it was nice and warm. Even though it was a gorgeous summer day the sun was down and it was beginning to cool off a bit. So I was happy my tootsies were nice and warm.

Yes the excitement was infectious!

I briefly freaked Kevin out with my "monkey toes". After 3 years you would have thought he had noticed.

Again with the poking.

Kevin had to prove to me that a beer can would actually melt. Who knew? Obviously NOT me!

Well it was fun folks. We laughed and drank some beer. My Dad even hung out with us for a while. Brought back little memories of when I was a kid and we would have bonfires at the beach. Good fun and good memories! Recipe for an awesome time.

The Cramped Nest Syndrome?

A couple of months ago both of my children moved out. My son moved in with his girlfriend and my daughter went away to school. My boyfriend's son had already gone away to school a few months prior so now I was faced with an empty nest. where there were 3 there were now none. I have always loved being a mother. I enjoyed everything about my children growing up, even the rough times. I loved the "controlled chaos" of motherhood.

We as a family have always been close. When my son played sports in high school I would have a houseful of teenage boys for weeks on end it seemed. I never knew who I would find sleeping on my floor, or my couch, or grazing in my pantry. I was the taxi so when they wanted to go to the mall or the beach it was Mom to the rescue. I didn't mind it though. I just loved feeling close with my kids.

I can remember dancing in our kitchen with the music blasting, watching scary movies all cuddled up under blankets with a sea of junk food strewn across the coffee table, and the quiet times when one of them would come into my room just to talk.

The day my daughter left for school I was a basket case! I literally got physically ill at the airport, I couldn't even make it home. I was in a daze the entire day. That nagging little voice in my head kept telling me to snap the hell out of it. That it was all a part of life and that I needed to let go and let them grow up. That this was a much needed step in their journey to being an adult. See, she is so frickin' annoying, I really hate it when she is right. I had just fooled myself into thinking I would be able to handle it with much more finesse and maturity I guess.

Unfortunately things did not work out with my son and his girlfriend and I got a call one day asking if he could move back home. OF COURSE was my response. He may be 23 but he will ALWAYS be my baby boy and will ALWAYS be welcome in Mom's home. He actually refers to himself as a mama's boy and proudly smiles as he does it.

So my nest felt a bit right again.

Then summer break rolls around. Kevin's son goes to a school in Oregon and Jessi goes to a school in Idaho. So we of course had a mess of trying to coordinate itinerary's. He came home on the bus and she came home on a plane. I was back in the "I wish I could clone myself mode" aahhhhh I remember this feeling.

Once all three were back under one roof well, remember the "controlled chaos"? Ya ummm not so much. What was I thinking? There is no control to this chaos, I was obviously completely deluded all those years! Could I really have gotten out of the habit of dealing with all of this in such a short amount of time? Planning meals was almost impossible. Last minute "Oh Mom I am going to go hang out with so and so tonight" or "I am going to be gone this weekend". Ok now I have tons of left overs but thank you for letting me know, have fun.

The fridge filled up with tupperware and the house filled up with piles of clothes, blankets, empty cans and bottles. My job was never ending. Yes my nest was full again, but I think while they were gone I  must have washed it in hot water and shrunk it because it was feeling a bit cramped in here.

Then came the time for them to go back. We again had to tap dance through itinerary's and make sure they made to their destinations on time. Driving to the airport we hit traffic and then longgggggggg lines once we got inside to the ticket counter and security. Rush rush rush sprinkled with a bit of panic ensued briefly. But of course everything ended up fine and on the plane she went.

I felt that familiar tingle as I walked to my car and through the ride home. But I came home and cleaned up the messes, dumped out the tupperware, and took out the trash. I got ready to make dinner and caught myself actually letting out a little sigh. Was that a sigh of relief? Hhmmmm I think it was! I looked around at my clean house, no child on my computer, no one asking for money or a ride somewhere. WOW maybe I do like the nest empty. That was when I realized that not only do our children have to move on and learn to grow, we as parents need to do the same. I am more than just "Mom". That is not the only thing that defines who Bobbi is.

 I just have one question. Does this mean I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up????

Brand Spankin' New

WOW it has been a while since I posted. With the surgeries I have been going through due to the cancer and all of the other miscellaneous goings on in my life I have just been burning the candle at both ends so to speak.Which has kept me away from sharing with you all.

I had my final surgery on June 20th. Well final MAJOR surgery. They did the reconstruction so the girls are up and running again so to speak. The Doctor said there maybe small little things we need to do here and there. But for the most part we are done. So yes dear readers, I have the chest of an 18 year old again....WOW seems weird to look down and then look at the rest of my body and think hhmmmm some of these things just don't go together. Can I have a whole new body now? Well, a girl has to ask right?

The thing I find amusing is, and remember I have a slightly twisted sense of humor, is that they told me that implants have a "shelf life". You would think you get the surgery a BOOM you are good to go. Ummm not so much. I was going on and on about how glad I was that this was done now and that I wont have to worry any more and the Doc stopped me. It was kind of like "Hold up there Ricky Racer" though not exactly in those words. So implants are only good for about 10 years, yup just 10 years. Which means I will be having them replaced every ten years from now on. That will mean that at 56, 66 and then 76 and 86, if God sees it fit for me to be here, I will be getting a brand new set of 18 year old boobs. I am just trying to picture that in my mind. I guess I  had better hit the gym to make sure the rest of the bod can kind of keep up eh?

I feel like a 5 year old waiting for Christmas!

I woke up this morning in such a good mood. Last night all the kids were here so I got to cook for my entire family. Dinner came out amazing, that's coming from everyone else, although I do have to say it was pretty freakin' awesome! I laid in bed for a bit listening to the Today show playing in the background, letting myself slowly wake up. When I got out of bed I still had a smile on my face until I walked out into the living room and saw the gray sky and wind blowing outside my window. AARRGGG it is spring damn it! I am done with the rain and gray skies and cold blustery days!!


Ok, before anyone can point out that I live in Western WA and should therefor be used to it and not complain. NO! No no no no! I refuse to get used to this. I love it here, it is beautiful, but I sure miss CA when the days run together at 50 degrees and rainy. So I will complain until my face falls off.


Anyway, then I thought about the fact that we are going to Vegas next week and jumped on the computer to check the forcast for then. Oh my Gawd!!! 80 degrees and no chance of rain the day we fly in, YES, there IS a God!!! The problem is I still have a week to wait! UGH! The little voice in my head is whining like a 5 year old "but I wanna go nowwwwwww!!" I would even be tempted to stomp my feet and hold my breath if I thought it would help.


So, take a deep breath, I know I must be adult about this. The time will pass and that is that right? Oh heck no! I think I will still throw my temper tantrum, at least it will pass some time right?!!

Happy St Pat's Everyone!!!

It feels like forever since I posted!! But I had to write, even if it was just a few lines. Today is one of my FAVORITE holiday's. Yes I am part Irish, but it is mostly due to the fact that it is a holiday that is designed specifically to party!! There is no awkward family dinner issues, no wondering if you bought the right gift stress, just plain old let's drink, dance, and have a good freakin' time!!


This is not just a feeling that I have. The torch has been passed down to the next generation. My daughter, as we speak, is decked out in green from head to toe. We even get the animals involved at my house!

It has been the same through the years. Here are a few blasts from the past

Of course we have the corned beef and cabbage cooking away..

And last year my darling Jessi thought it would be funny to add green food coloring to everything in the refrigerator, including the egg beaters, so this was my version of green eggs and well salsa....

So my dear friends....May you always have walls for the winds, 

a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love 

near you, and all your heart might desire.

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY!!!

Gremlins???

My son and his girlfriend just got their own apartment. I am so happy for them because I know how exciting that first place that is "all your own" can be. They are just like anyone else, slowly getting things they need for the apartment, and not realizing how much stuff they DID need. Isn't that always the case? You don't need it unless you don't have it? At least in my world it is like that.


Kevin and I surprised them with groceries. We stocked them up on the stuff for PB&J's, quesadillas, eggs, milk, bacon, stuff we knew they would use and need right off the bat. We wanted to  make the first few days there comfy for them and make it so they didn't have to run right out to the store.


Last night Seth stopped by to hang out before he went to work. I am learning that "I was just going to hang out before work" is code for "I am here to get a meal". They never grow up, but that's OK I love cooking for the people I love (side note if you haven't yet, check out my other blog bobbireneeandrachaelray.blogspot.com). 


While he was here he asked if I had any extra utensils they could have. So today I picked them up a colander and decided I would take them to pick up a few things this weekend. When I got home from the store I had the brilliant idea to go through my "Tupperware" drawer and pick out some storage stuff for them so they would have a way to save leftovers. Now, this is a drawer I have been avoiding for quite some time. I think a little over a year ago Kevin and I went through it and got rid of all the lids and bowls that had no partners. At that time we both commented on how interesting it was that they came out of the cupboard with a lid and a purpose, they went into the dishwasher together after serving that purpose, and somewhere between the dishwasher and the cupboard they lost their way leaving their mate forever stranded in a sea of plastic with no hope of ever being whole again.


So I  venture into the cupboard immediately greeted by the forsaken remnants from a once perfectly paired union. I begin to dig through the rubble hoping to find something to be salvaged. Eventually I ended up with several happily reunited duos. But the useless pieces of the once productive teams laid scattered across the counter. I thought to myself how does this happen? In just over a years time half of the storage containers lost its mate? It makes you want to put a camera in the cupboard just to see what in the heck is happening behind those closed doors! I will bet you if we did that we would find little gremlins wearing all of our lost socks!!

Chest-less in Seattle

Waking up from surgery on January 21st was an experience. I of course don't remember much since they kept me pretty drugged up (thank God), but I do remember thinking I should feel a lot different and I didn't. I attributed it to the drugs and the fact that I had yet to see myself without a shirt on, but was surprised by the feeling, or lack thereof, about my "modified" body.
Once I was home I waited until I was alone and as I stood nervously in front of my bathroom mirror and raised my pajama top. Then it hit me! WOW ummm "Ok" I thought "so I am more aerodynamic" or "Hey think of the money I could save in lingerie!". I tried very hard to find what positive I could in the situation, but it was hard. I felt myself about to cry and then a little voice in my head yelled "SNAP OUT OF IT!!! I mean REALLY suck it up chick you are alive and well with no need for chemo OR radiation. Plenty of women with breast cancer would be HAPPY to be in your situation!". As I stood there reeling a bit from the verbal abuse I was dishing out on myself, I realized it was correct. I was DAMNED LUCKY to be in the place I was! I found out I had cancer by a fluke. I wouldn't have gotten a mammogram until I was 50 thanks to what has been suggested in the media. I went for my annual exam and had a cyst. I knew it was a cyst, but to make my Gyn happy I agreed to a mammogram. That was right around Thanksgiving (appropriate don't you think?) and within 2 months my cancer was found and removed. No lymph nodes had to be removed, no further treatment necessary. At that point I began to feel like a bit of a schmuck. I mean it wasn't like they removed a leg or an arm. I don't need boobs to function. "Get over yourself" I thought.
Then of course there were the people that meant well..."Well think of the perky ones you are going to have"! To be honest that kind of bothered me at first but once I stopped wallowing in self pity and realized that they were right, this was not a permanent situation. I began to relax a bit. 
Then we began the "expanding" part of the program. For those that don't know what that means...well when they removed what God gave me they put in what they call tissue expanders. They are little torture devices that feel like you have turtle shells under your skin. Seriously they are kind of a tear drop shaped rubber bottomed thing that resembles a deflated implant attached to a tire. When they began "expanding" that means every week you go in and they insert a needle into the expander and "fill 'er up" with about 50 to 100 cc's of saline. This stretches the muscle and, if you have the same surgery I did, the AlloDerm ( I will explain what AlloDerm is in a bit). The expansion process doesn't really hurt and I laugh when I go in for the procedure because I feel like a flat tire that they keep trying to fill up and just don't get the right amount of pressure. I know, I am weird, no need to remind me. But it gives your body the time to slowly adapt to the eventual implant. It also gives you the opportunity to "shop" for what size you would like your post operative bod to have. There is perky 18 year old, I would like to be a stripper, and OMG THEY ARE MOVING TOWARD US!! 
Ah, AlloDerm, this was one of the things they explained to me before the surgery that kinda made me go "uummm eewwwww". On the AlloDerm website they call it "AlloDerm Regenerative Tissue Matrix". OK, that sounds cool. It says "AlloDerm  is produced through a unique non-damaging process that allows the body to mount its own tissue regeneration process". Again, sounds Ok right? But then you read a little closer, "donated human skin tissue is supplied......Do what? Ya that is exactly what I asked and was informed that donated human skin tissue is from people who sign their handy dandy little donor card. Yup, it is cadaver skin folks. Now maybe that doesn't give you pause to think but it sure did me! Again my little voice told me to snap out of it. She really is a bossy little bitch! But unfortunantly she is smart too. She reminded me that this is really no different than a donated liver or kidney. The only difference is the word cadaver is never used when speaking of those types of transplants. Ok, ok so again I feel like a huge baby.
So now I am about 5 weeks out from the demolition and hopefully about 6 weeks away from the Grand Re-opening. Wish me luck!!! Oh and I am shooting for perky 18 year old, healthy, but perky.