The Cramped Nest Syndrome?

A couple of months ago both of my children moved out. My son moved in with his girlfriend and my daughter went away to school. My boyfriend's son had already gone away to school a few months prior so now I was faced with an empty nest. where there were 3 there were now none. I have always loved being a mother. I enjoyed everything about my children growing up, even the rough times. I loved the "controlled chaos" of motherhood.

We as a family have always been close. When my son played sports in high school I would have a houseful of teenage boys for weeks on end it seemed. I never knew who I would find sleeping on my floor, or my couch, or grazing in my pantry. I was the taxi so when they wanted to go to the mall or the beach it was Mom to the rescue. I didn't mind it though. I just loved feeling close with my kids.

I can remember dancing in our kitchen with the music blasting, watching scary movies all cuddled up under blankets with a sea of junk food strewn across the coffee table, and the quiet times when one of them would come into my room just to talk.

The day my daughter left for school I was a basket case! I literally got physically ill at the airport, I couldn't even make it home. I was in a daze the entire day. That nagging little voice in my head kept telling me to snap the hell out of it. That it was all a part of life and that I needed to let go and let them grow up. That this was a much needed step in their journey to being an adult. See, she is so frickin' annoying, I really hate it when she is right. I had just fooled myself into thinking I would be able to handle it with much more finesse and maturity I guess.

Unfortunately things did not work out with my son and his girlfriend and I got a call one day asking if he could move back home. OF COURSE was my response. He may be 23 but he will ALWAYS be my baby boy and will ALWAYS be welcome in Mom's home. He actually refers to himself as a mama's boy and proudly smiles as he does it.

So my nest felt a bit right again.

Then summer break rolls around. Kevin's son goes to a school in Oregon and Jessi goes to a school in Idaho. So we of course had a mess of trying to coordinate itinerary's. He came home on the bus and she came home on a plane. I was back in the "I wish I could clone myself mode" aahhhhh I remember this feeling.

Once all three were back under one roof well, remember the "controlled chaos"? Ya ummm not so much. What was I thinking? There is no control to this chaos, I was obviously completely deluded all those years! Could I really have gotten out of the habit of dealing with all of this in such a short amount of time? Planning meals was almost impossible. Last minute "Oh Mom I am going to go hang out with so and so tonight" or "I am going to be gone this weekend". Ok now I have tons of left overs but thank you for letting me know, have fun.

The fridge filled up with tupperware and the house filled up with piles of clothes, blankets, empty cans and bottles. My job was never ending. Yes my nest was full again, but I think while they were gone I  must have washed it in hot water and shrunk it because it was feeling a bit cramped in here.

Then came the time for them to go back. We again had to tap dance through itinerary's and make sure they made to their destinations on time. Driving to the airport we hit traffic and then longgggggggg lines once we got inside to the ticket counter and security. Rush rush rush sprinkled with a bit of panic ensued briefly. But of course everything ended up fine and on the plane she went.

I felt that familiar tingle as I walked to my car and through the ride home. But I came home and cleaned up the messes, dumped out the tupperware, and took out the trash. I got ready to make dinner and caught myself actually letting out a little sigh. Was that a sigh of relief? Hhmmmm I think it was! I looked around at my clean house, no child on my computer, no one asking for money or a ride somewhere. WOW maybe I do like the nest empty. That was when I realized that not only do our children have to move on and learn to grow, we as parents need to do the same. I am more than just "Mom". That is not the only thing that defines who Bobbi is.

 I just have one question. Does this mean I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up????