I am really having to take a hard look at myself and my life now. After being married for 21 years and a stay at home Mom and thinking that was just what I was supposed to do, I had an AHA moment. I realized I wasn't happy, I hadn't been happy in quite a long time. I was going a long with a smile on my face but inside I was screaming at the top of my lungs SOME ONE HELP ME!!!
It was the first time that I really decided it was OK to think about ME and what I needed. I was so used to doing what everyone expected of me, and keeping appearances up, I had lost myself. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade one day of being home with my kids for anything. But with my kids both being teenagers I guess I was able to take a step back for a moment and say "WOW.....what about me?"
Divorce is ugly! I was so naive to actually believe that we could go through it and just say "Oh well, it just didn't work, I wish you the best in your new life". That is no where close to how it has gone. I was not prepared for the vicious attacks and lies that were to be aimed at me over and over again. I was not prepared for someone to systematically go to each and every person we knew and tell them lies to turn them against me. I have had my eyes opened to how gullible people can really be and how many people just want to hear gossip and are willing to jump right in it with both feet. I was also not prepared for cold calculated manipulation of our own children. It has been 2 years since we separated and the game is still being played. I have no friends left but I have my freedom. I will just be happy when it is over honestly.
But......is there life after divorce? I am nervous really. Even though the past 2 years have been awful, just as most of my marriage was, it is what I know. Once that is totally out of my life will I know what to do with myself? I know that probably sounds crazy, but it is the truth.
Don't get me wrong I am lucky a lucky girl. My children love me, and I have a man in my life now that loves me for who I am, flaws and all. It is a nice feeling. I have my father and I am starting school to actually get a career of my own. I guess I answered my own question huh? I have a great life, actually I think my life is just beginning!!
1 comment:
HI BOBBI.
Congratulations.Really moving and sincere.
I have always believed that when one's marriage is down the drain you should flush as much as you can so the bad things dissapear.I am not divorced,I can consider myself a happily married man,with all the problems that a marriage carries.....but trying to live in harmony with my wife.Have done it (MORE OR LESS..HA!) for the last 18 years...and going strong!!
I admire your courage and letting your feelings out.My sister went through a similar situation as yours,but now she is happier than ever.Was married many years to a guy that was the perfect party animal,but a lousy husband & father.
Congratulations again on your decision,I really hope your divorce can be as painless as possible.God bless you and your loved ones.Greetings from El Salvador,Central America.
Jorge Centeno (MY REAL NAME!)
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